By Ashley DelBello
Dating isn’t easy – especially if you’re in a large city like Los Angeles or New York. It seems like everyone gets easily distracted by the next best thing that comes along or really isn’t looking to settle into anything serious. What makes it harder is that we have these ideas of what we should and shouldn’t do that are large misconceptions and don’t make finding that special someone any easier.
So what are these common dating myths that we fall into a trap of believing?
Myth #1: You have to play the game and can’t let on that you’re actually interested. This is true when you first start dating someone new. There does need to be a sense of mystery or “the chase,” but you can’t be too unavailable or act too nonchalant. In a previous Cupid’s Pulse article, we spoke with relationship expert Melanie Mar and she cautioned that while there does need to be some element of that chase, it has to be balanced.
“If a woman is being non-responsive in the beginning of a relationship when a man is actively engaging and pursuing her, she definitely will experience a feeling of control, but it will be short-lived. Eventually he will grow tired of chasing someone who acts as if she’s not interested – even if she truly is – and he will stop the chase,” said Mar. So, don’t follow these so-called rules of “the game” too closely as you risk losing out on someone really cool. If you’re interested, show it – just don’t overwhelm the guy.
Myth #2: Online dating is a last resort and only the desperate do it. Not true. Online dating is becoming more of the norm. In fact, there are 40 million people in the United States who have tried online dating and one in five dating site users go on to marry someone they met online. Go ahead and ask around – most people you know have probably experimented with online dating. And they’re probably cool people because they’re your friends, right?
Myth #3: You have to wait 24 hours until you can text after a date. Also not true. If you like someone and had a good time with them – let them know. It tells them that you’re interested and gives the guy permission to ask you out again. Men can’t always tell if you’re into them or not – especially if you’re playing “the game” so they do need that encouragement to ask you out again.
You also don’t need to wait a certain amount of time before you text someone back – we all know that unless we’re in a meeting at work, at a movie or some other rare instance in which our phone is not on us, we pretty much tied to our phones 24/7. So go ahead, text someone back immediately if you want to.
Lastly, I want to impart how important it is to just be you. We hear that all of the time, but all too often we don’t really HEAR it and we get caught up in trying to perfectly phrase our answers to questions or acting how we think the person we’re newly dating wants us to. Doing this comes with a price. For example, this recently happened to me and I was too nervous and not comfortable enough around this person to just be me (which should have been red flag No. 1). And after about six weeks and several dates, I got an email that he didn’t think we had enough in common to move to something more serious – which I don’t think is exactly true. He was saying nicely that I’m not that into you, but had I just relaxed and been myself I wouldn’t have been as quiet or always thinking about what I should do or say next. In the end the outcome may not have been any different, but I would have at least not been left with this unsettling feeling about what would have happened if I had been more of myself.
Dating is hard – don’t make it harder by following misconceptions that don’t let you be true to yourself and most importantly, just relax and have fun.
What are some other common dating myths that need debunking? Comment below.
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