Matchmaker and reality star Amy Laurent didn’t realize how much she needed her own help until she began filming Bravo’s ‘Miss Advised.’ As viewers saw throughout the first season, she quickly learned how hard it was to be open to love and how scary it was to feel vulnerable. That was the catalyst she needed to write her book, which she began working on two-thirds through filming. 8 Weeks to Everlasting: A Step-by-Step Guide to Getting (and Keeping!) the Guy You Want isn’t about getting the ring or getting to the altar; it’s about building a strong foundation for a lasting relationship with your perfect person. “This book offers simple guidelines that every women needs to follow when they first meet someone they like,” Laurent explains. “It’s about how to change your approach to dating so you don’t lose yourself in it.” No one knows the importance of these parameters better than the author. We had a chance to chat with her about what rules to follow, what lies men tell and what she’s learned in her search for love.
How did you develop your dating philosophy?
I found that women kept asking the same questions when it came to men and the early stages of dating. I’ve been giving women solid advice on how to handle these situations, and they’ve come back to me and thanked me for everything I said. But here I am, getting back into dating myself, and I’m totally stinking at it. During the course of filming ‘Miss Advised,’ I realized that I needed my own coaching. Talk about a sense of urgency! It was like, “Oh my god, I need to take everything that I’ve been telling women to do and turn it into a handbook so I can find a guy for myself!”
No matter who we are, whether were the expert or not, we really need rules that are clearly laid out, week-by-week, about how to date men. It’s the first eight weeks that are the most torturous for women!
In the introduction of your book, you tell women that they’re in charge of their fate and they can have any kind of relationship they want. What is preventing women from finding their ideal relationship?
Accepting less than what we deserve. There are boundaries that teach a new guy in your life what is acceptable and if you are a relationship girl or a casual dater. Your actions towards him define how he looks at you; you teach people how you want to be treated.
How many of us get excited about a guy and then start to cancel our plans with girlfriends because he suddenly calls and asks us out? That’s the complete opposite of what you’re supposed to do, but we’ve all been there. We’re so emotionally invested in this guy that we’ve only been out with a handful of times that he has an affect on whether we have a good day or not. As women, we need to remember that we’re in control. If someone isn’t respecting you or treating you how you want to be treated, you get to choose to write that person off.
You banish women from making the first move, yet so many of our male readers tells us they want a woman to approach them first. What are your thoughts on that?
One of the biggest points in my book is that women should never initiate. You don’t call or text a guy first; you don’t suggest that you get together on a Friday night. You have to let the man take the male role. If you become aggressive, he’s going to lose interest very quickly.
As a matchmaker, I work very closely with men, and they tell me things that I wish they would say to more women’s faces. If a guy says he loves when a women takes the initiative and asks him out, he’s lying to you. Any man will say that it’s cool at first – it’s less work when the woman comes to him. But he’ll also tell you that he’s never dated that girl for longer than two weeks. That’s the truth.
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What love lessons did you learn from filming ‘Miss Advised’ and writing this book?
First, I gained a newfound respect for my clients. It had been so long since I put my heart out there, and I realized that my clients do it everyday. It’s not easy!
I also learned that dating is about enjoying the process, weeding out the jerks, finding your perfect person and having fun along the way because you’re in control. One of the keys is balance: you need to stay open enough but also hold the reins and pace yourself.
Lastly, if there were one piece of advice you could give women looking for love, what would it be?
One thing I said repetitively is that, if a guy genuinely cares about you and wants to get to know you, he is going to try to impress you – and you should let him. You really have to communicate what kind of relationship you want, and you have to stick to that.
And buy my book, of course!
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