By Emily Hellman
Ah, the joys of texting. Texting seems like the ideal way to communicate, right? Simple, easy, and to the point. Texting can even define celebrity relationships, like Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson’s. Rob reportedly used to text Kristen 400 times a month, Kristen allegedly broke off her affair with Rupert Sanders through a text message before the affair was exposed, and now, after their breakup, it’s been rumored that Rob will ONLY communicate with Kristen via texts.
So what happens when we jump the gun and start replacing real communication with texts?
Although women aren’t the only sex that does this, I have to admit we do it more. We say something coy and seemingly innocent like, “I had a great time last night. I always have fun with you. You make me smile… I can’t wait to see you again!” and he writes back, “me 2″. We’re dumbfounded. You, too…what? You had fun, too? You always have fun with me, too? I make you smile, too; You can’t wait to see me again, too? All of the above?? Or…wait…are you too busy to come up with an original reply? Or too distracted? Maybe by some hot chick? Or maybe you just don’t care enough to take five seconds to write more than that? Or maybe you’re not interested anymore? Are we breaking up? Have you already moved on???
This all seems silly to you men out there I’m sure, but unfortunately some women inherently function this way.
Here are some easy tips to follow if you choose to use texts to communicate early in a relationship:
1. Don’t have expectations. When you send a text, it should be to relay information or just to say “Hello.” You can’t be tied to a specific response, or you’re doomed to be disappointed.
2. Don’t expect “feelings” to be reciprocated through a text. Some people just aren’t comfortable with – or sure of – the way they are feeling, so trying to put their feelings into words on a phone just isn’t possible.
3. Be aware of your partner’s circumstances. Don’t text them in the middle of a work day and expect an immediate response!
4. Don’t put time limits on a response, and don’t play games. Enough said.
5. Don’t make assumptions. If you get a short response (or no response at all), give them the benefit of the doubt and don’t assume something is wrong.
6. Fight the urge to read into a text conversation. If something is bothering you or you don’t understand something, it needs to be discussed in person. A phone call or face-to-face conversation is required at this point!
So remember – texting is meant for the straightforward, not the emotional. Men, take a second to TRY to respond with more than a word or two. Women, give the guy a break. They don’t process like we do. Save the texting for directions, times, “I’m running late”, and maybe some fun, harmless flirting.
Emily Hellman is the founder and CEO of www.CaliberMatch.com, where she uses her dating and matchmaking expertise to give a personal touch to those seeking love online. She couples her background and degree in Psychology and coaching with her passion for helping others find and maintain healthy relationships. Emily is married and has two daughters.
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